Episode Eight
Note: heh heh heh...F-W-a-G episode # 4. I never realized granting wishes could be so fun...
Rowen: CALE! Breathe!
Cale: (bug-eyed and totally nervous) I can't!
Sage: (shaking head) Dang. Never thought I'd ever see you like this. And all because of some chick.
Cye: Cale, hold still! I'll never get this tie on straight if you keep fidgeting.
Kento: (impressed) Woah! Check out the penguin suit!
Mia: Let's go, guys! We need to get movin' here!
Kayura: Oh my god... Is he hyperventilating?
[The lights come up at a sedate pace... very sedate... they're still coming up... almost there... okay. The lights are up and we see on the by now familiar orange couch the host and co-host. Focus on host.]
Kento: Hey everybody! Welcome to "Guy Talk," a show by guys for guys. I'm your host, back fresh from a family reunion, Kento Fung.
[Focus on co-host.]
Cale: ..... (blink, gulp)
Kento: (nudging co-host) Cale!
Cale: (blink, blink, blink) Oh... and I'm your co-host, Cale Smith.
[Focus on both.]
Kento: (lips pursed and one brow raised) I think I'll introduce our guest today.
Cale: ..... (blink)
Kento: (sighs) Please welcome to our stage the Archdruid of Darkness Unacera! (stands to greet guest, drags co-host to his feet)
Unacera: (shakes host's hand, turns to co-host, catches his gaze, blushes fiercely and drops to sit on couch)
Cale: (blushes a bit, scratches at head nervously, fidgets then sits)
Kayura: (off camera) AW! How cute! I've never seen him like this before! (giggles)
Mia: (off camera, giggles)
Cale: (shoots angry glare at Mia and psycho chick)
Kento: So, Una- may I call you that?
Unacera: (nods) You may.
Kento: Una, what first got you into Ronin Warriors?
Unacera: Well, I was flipping channel, tired of another re-run of Animaniacs...
Rowen: (off camera) Ain't that the truth?
Unacera: I flipped on a local UPN channel just in time to see the wildfire symbol from the first episode. My immediate reaction was saying, "Japanese animation! Cool! About time."
Rowen: (off camera) Ain't that the truth?
Unacera: (blinks at brainy guy, then continues) In my area the series was released the summer of '95, unfortunately to be replaced by Sailor Moon.
Rowen: (off camera) Ain't that the truth?
Unacera: (frowns and blinks at brainy guy) ...This is one reason I don't like Sailor Moon that much. That and Serena is way too much of a crying wimp.
Rowen: (off camera) Ain't that the truth?
Unacera: (looks strangely at brainy guy) ...Cale here (motions to co-host) could take her on with his claws tied behind his back.
Rowen: (off camera) Ain't that the truth?
Unacera: (raises brows and shakes head) But I digress. When the end of that first episode appeared, I became instantly interested in the Dark Warlords. That interest would grow into what interests I have today.
Rowen: (off camera, starts to speak, is thwapped by Ryo)
Ryo: (off camera) Don't you even say it.
Unacera: What's his problem?
Ryo: (off camera) Visit to the dentist. He got a big dose of happy gas and is making the rest of us suffer.
Unacera: Oh.
Kento: Anyway, Cale? Your question?
Cale: ..... (blink, blush, looks away)
Kento: (sighs) Fine. I'll ask. Who is your favorite character and why?
Unacera: Hm. Tough one. (rolls eyes slightly, fingering the Yami symbol hanging around neck) I'd have to say Dark Warlord Cale is my ultimate favorite character. His hair is my favorite shade of blue. His eyes are blue-green, just as mine are. We are both creatures of the night-
Rowen: (off camera) Vampires?! (THWAP!) Ow!
Unacera: (blink) -and winter. In Cale I saw someone who finally understood the unique love for winter nights that I possessed.
Cale: (fidget, sneaks peek at guest)
Unacera: Then there's his dark voice and laugh. It always gives me a tingle down my spine when I hear it, especially when he's being really evil toward a Ronin. Speaking of sounds-
Rowen: (off camera, opens mouth to speak)
Everyone: Rowen, shut up.
Kento: Please continue, Una.
Unacera: Speaking of sounds, I love the sound his no-dachi made when Cale fought Sage on the top of Mt. Dojo. You know, when Cale first takes out his no-dachi. I had loved Sekhmet, Dais, and Cale from the beginning. However, when I saw that picture of Cale with his kanji glowing on his forehead, his face enveloped in that darkness...
Cale: (big blush, nervous fidget)
Kayura: (off camera) He is so cute like this!
Unacera: Oooooh, one should not show such a picture! For it was that moment, that handsome dark face, that Cale became my favorite character. Just like that (snaps) I was gone. Cale even appeared in my dreams several times, more than I can count. I even have both the American and Japanese toy figurines, had two drawings of him done by friends, one t-shirt with a second one being ordered currently, and am finally seeking dojinshis about Cale. The more Cale merchandize, the much merrier, I believe.
Cale: (sneaks another peek at guest, goofy grin)
Unacera: (sneaks peek at co-host, blushes) The only drawback is that Cale is SOOO made fun of for when he continued to want to follow Talpa even though Badamon captured him. Come on, people! His kanji is obedience. Plus picking on his like that is like picking on that one line Cye said. Just let it go. Don't make me use this (holds up no-dachi 'Silent Shadow') on you.
Kento: Yeah! Don't make her! (looks at director, nods) We'll be right back.
[Fade to commercial.]
Dais: (whispering to guest) Are you single? Cale wants to know.
Unacera: (shows no ring on finger, whispers back) I think that qualifies as a yes. (smile, blush)
{We see one guy and one chick in a schoolroom, obviously staying late to study.}
Rowen: (eyes big, sounds real dizzy) Here we go again. Okay... Una, given that the world is round, if I created a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG flat sheet of corrugated cardboard, would it wrap around the Earth or would it reach WAAAAAAAAAAY out into space? (big grin)
Unacera: Why would you want to wrap the world in cardboard? Going to ship it to someone? (raises eyebrow)
Rowen: Well, no... (is blasted out of his seat by an F.F.P - flying frying pan)
Sage: (off camera) YES! That was so cool! You are awesome, Sekh!
Sekhmet: (off camera, doing bad Elvis impersonation) Thank you. Thank you verra much. (lip curl and pelvis swivel)
[Fade back to show.]
Unacera: You guys SURE you didn't steal this couch from Snick?
Kento: (suspicious-like) Whatever gave you that idea?
Rowen: (running onto set, wrapping arms around legs of guest, eyes huge, still under influence of happy gas) Omigawd! Did you see that?! That was so scary! Did you see it?!
Unacera: See what?
[Growl is heard off camera, something looking like a lion-sized cat with leopard spots, a lion's tail, and golden wings darts onto set.]
Rowen: EEP! (hugs guest's legs tighter)
[Creature sits before guest and looks at her with green eyes.]
Unacera: Dragon Wind! (huggles animal companion, then looks at brainy guy) You were afraid of Dragon Wind? (raises eyebrow)
Dragon Wind: (sniffs brainy guy, licks his face, seems to grin)
Rowen: AAAAHHHH!! He's tryin' ta eat me! (runs off camera)
Everyone: ..... (blink, blink, blink)
Yuli: (off camera, little notebook and pencil in hand) If you could go out anywhere to dinner, where would it be?
Unacera: Well, I don't get out much. Pronto Cena in New Jersey is nice. Only been there once so far. (shrugs) However, any place that is romantic, where I could be alone with someone would do. (watches as brat scribbles in notebook) Nice music being played softly by musicians... on violins, flutes, and a soft piano. Candle-lit area a must. Italian food is preferred, along with maybe some wine. Perhaps a lone rose in a small vase in the center of the table, too. Have the whole restaurant to ourselves. (dreamy sigh) But who am I kidding? Who'd find and take me to a place like that?
Yuli: (off camera) Okay. That's enough. (runs off to dressing room area) MIA! KAYURA! I got that stuff you wanted to know!!
Cale and Unacera: (blushing fiercely)
Kento: So... Una, what's your favorite holiday?
Unacera: (blinks and stares at host for a moment) Well, it's a tie between Halloween and Christmas. Halloween because you can be anyone or anything you want for a day a shrinks won't call you crazy. Christmas because one - it's close to my birthday, two - it's such a peaceful time to spend with friends and family. Not to mention it's in winter, my favorite season.
Kento: Who would you most like to spend either of those with?
Unacera: It would be nice to at least spend Halloween with Cale. (co-host blushes) I tried to go for an Unacera and Cale duo, but no one would dress as Cale for me.** So I was Unacera and all alone. Even danced by myself. (small sniffle) And that was the first dance I've ever been to.
Everyone: Aw...
Dais: (off camera) How sucky.
Unacera: Christmas would be nice with him, too. I'd love to be with him and have a white Christmas. Just would be soooo romantic! (dreamy folded hand pose complete with sigh)
Kento: Cale? Would you like to ask our guest a question?
Cale: (glances at guest, blushes, shakes head)
Anubis: (off camera, with tiny notebook and pen) What are your favorite kind of flowers?
Unacera: (suspicious) My favorite flowers are marigolds. They're so pretty! They have been my favorite since I was a child. Aside from that, any flower that's blue or purple is always nice. Roses are nice, too. Green carnations or roses around St. Patrick's Day are really nice. I'm Irish and proud of it!***
Anubis: (off camera, scribbling in notebook) Do you have a lucky number?
Unacera: My lucky number is five and has been for years. I don't know why, it just is.
Anubis: (off camera, scribbling) Uh huh... (mumbling as he wanders off) so, maybe... five dozen green carnations... five dozen sterling roses... bunches of shamrocks...
Kento: Cale, you're not being very helpful. Anyone wanna help ask questions?
Cye: (bolts on stage, sits between feet of host and guest) Among your original good characters, if you had to kill one of them and resurrect him or her as the Ultimate Spawn of Evil -tm- , who would it be and why?
Unacera: Hmmm, good question, Cye. It would probably be a toss between Michael Codence or my fanfic equivalent Unacera.
Ryo: (off camera) Ah... the one that actually has Cale. (is whacked lots by Mia and Kayura for being rude) Ow ow ow!!
Unacera: (growls and hold Dragon Wind back) Michael because his poison would make a nasty weapon, and I could have a couple of people with similar powers have to fight him. Unacera because, well... she has gone berserk in the past. The things she did - well, I couldn't say it on TV. If she was evil... boy would people learn what the four seasons could do. Especially if she had her new yoroi, Shi Kaze no Yoroi.>
Kento: (nods to director) We'll be right back.
[Fade to commercial.]
Sekhmet: (off camera) Do you want me to make sure Cale ends up bound and helpless in your dressing room after the show?
Unacera: (off camera, slow grin) Suuure. One should take any opportunities they are granted in life...
{We see two guys and one chick sitting in a nondescript room.}
Rowen: (still woozy) Of all the things in the world, what thing do you like best?
Unacera: (humoring brainy guy) What 'thing'?
Rowen: (big full-body shrug) I dunno. ANY thing.
Unacera: Hmm. Well... anime, I guess.
Dais: Real intelligent question, Ro. I don't understand how you Ronins ever beat us.
Rowen: Oh yeah?!
Unacera: (slaps brainy guy across the face, leaves red hand print) Geez! That it SOO annoying! Can't you think up a decent threat?!
{Blond guy stalks in from off camera, frying pan in hand.}
Sage: I'll show you how we beat you! (raises pan above head, ready to whack spider guy)
Unacera: (jumps to feet, grabs blond guy by collar, lifts him to toes, holds left hand in tight fist, ready to strike) Don't you even try to harm Dais, OR Cale, OR Sekhmet. If you do, you'll be pummeled so badly that you'll wish you were practicing in the Date dojo with your father instead!
Sage: (eyes widened to saucer size) ...eep... (drops pan)
[Fade back to show.]
Sage: (squishing onto couch between guest and co-host) Would you go out with me?
Unacera: (breaks out laughing uncontrollably, tears streaming down face) Oh gods! (wipes tears with sleeve, still grinning) That's a good one, Sage! (laughs some more)
Sage: (tossed off set by host as everyone laughs at him) Aw, man... that was harsh.
Cye: (still plunked between feet of host and guest) So sorry about him. If you were given one wish with knowledge that it would most definitely come true, what would you wish for?
Unacera: (breathing out last few giggles) Hmm. Well, the wishes that come to mind are the following... Peace on Earth.
Cye: Oh, that's a good one. I've always appreciated that one.
Unacera: To live life happily and without fear.
Mia: (off camera) If only...
Unacera: To have all merchandize ever made for Cale.
Cale: ..... (blush)
Kayura: (off camera) So cute.
Mia: (off camera, nods)
Unacera: (pauses, evil grin lights up face for brief moment) And to see Sage get what's coming to him. For him to get the crap beaten out of him for once, for all those times he beat up poor Cale here. That's not even counting the hits he's taken from Sage with that pan of his. Cale is soo abused by him! If even one of those wishes were granted, I'd be happy.
Ryo: (off camera, looks at Sekhmet and Dais)
Dais: (off camera) Three?
Sekhmet and Ryo: (nod)
Dais: (off camera) One...
Sekhmet and Ryo: (off camera, take attack positions)
Dais: (off camera, take position of his own) Two...
Sage: (off camera, eyes go wide in sudden understanding) ...eep...
Dais: (off camera) Three!
[Spider guy, snake guy, and fire guy jump blond guy and pound him into the ground. A cloud of dust is raised, obscuring fight.]
Kento: (sighs, ignores grunts and groans of pain) Cale... you've gotta ask Una a question. Just one.
Cale: O-okay. (without looking at guest) If you were forced to make a choice, what would you prefer to have happen? A) Sage going bald in a freak bowling accident. B) Yuli being trampled by a stampede of rabid elephants. Or C) Sekhmet being declared mentally competent by a full panel of psychiatrists.
Unacera: (takes moment to fawn over the voice) Since Sekhmet is my second favorite character, tied with Dais, C of course. I want to see him declared mentally competent.
Cye: (mutters) Like that'll ever happen.
Unacera: (whaps fish guy upside the head, then continues) It's comments about his lack of sanity that led me to write "A Beautiful New Katana," which was nominated for a fanfic award. I just saw one too many of those comments one day, and decided to do something about the portrayal of Sekhmet. Nasty comments about him just irritate me.
[Tussle off camera comes to an end. Spider guy, snake guy, and fire guy dust off hands and leave unconscious blond guy lying on the floor.]
Ryo: (off camera, hair a ruffled mess, dust-covered, grinning) I bet you're feeling kinda curious about some of these questions, huh? Have any guesses about what's going on?
Unacera: Besides the fact that you all are running a TV show here? I think you're trying to find out more about this mysterious other Yami - myself. (gives small bow) Of course, I'm only honored to answer all your questions. (pauses) Either that, or a certain Warlord bribed a lot of people here... or wrote up the cue cards. (grinnle)
Cale: ..... (blush, hides head)
Cye: (wonderingly) We have cue cards?!
Kento: (snickering) We're done. See y'all next time!
[Run end credits and theme then fade.]
Mia: Ask her, Cale! You may never get another chance!
Kayura: Yeah! Do it!
Cale: (clears throat, looks at guest) Would you-
Unacera: (jumps on top of co-host) Will I?! You actually doubted?!
Dragon Wind: (raises right paw, sketches in air with claw) |Hoooo boy...here we go...|
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** = I would have! ^_^
*** = Me, too!