Chapter 5: The Next Section
"Yowch!" Ryo yelped as a big red claw pinched him on the ear. "What the-?" Ryo looked around in amazement, at the room he was in. There were lobsters all over the floor, and there was a big steel pot in one corner. He held a metal spatula in his hand, and wore a big chef's hat. "The next part, I take it?"
YOU BETCHA! HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SICK OF BEING JUST A BIG OL' SPECTRAL VOICE. I THINK I'LL GIVE MYSELF A FORM.
"Like what?" Ryo asked, warily.
DON'T WORRY. IT'LL BE A HUMAN ONE. LET'S SEE... WHO SHOULD I BE TODAY?
"You can choose?" Ryo asked, visions of supermodels dancing in his head.
YUP. HEY! I SAW THAT, YOU PERVERTED LITTLE CHIPMUNK! I READ THAT THOUGHT! I WILL NOT BE VISITING YOU AS THAT, GOT IT?
Ryo nodded, crestfallenly. "Well, then decide quickly, huh? I'm dyin' here!" He smacked at the lobster still clinging to his ear with the spatula, accidentally smacking himself.
OKAY, HMMM.... GUESS I'LL JUST COME AS... MYSELF! AGE FOURTEEN OKAY FOR YOU? IT WAS THE ONLY ONE WITHIN REACH.
"Sure, sure, get on with it!" Ryo now had another lobster clenched onto him, this one located on his left big toe. "Yowch!"
"Hey, howzitgoin'?" came the voice from behind him. Ryo whirled around to see a girl with dark-blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail with a scrunchie, a stretchy lavendar shirt, dark blue denim overalls, and a pair of well-worn fake Birkenstocks. "Ryo, I presume?"
"Well, DUH! You are the one who's been, like, harrassing me with pink stuff, aren't you?" Ryo replied, a bit miffed.
"Well... nooooo, I'm a lobster in disguise!" She laughed and pinched his nose.
"OW! Aren't you a little too normal to be a spectral voice? And get these friggin' lobsters off me!!!"
"You're never too normal to be a phantasmic spectral voice!" she scolded, taking hold of his lobster earring and carefully disengaging it. "I was over behind that curtain!" She pointed, and Ryo looked over her shoulder to see a thick, velvety purple curtain. "Kinda like Wizard of Oz, isn't it? Oh, by the way, I'm Stephanie. But please don't call me that. That's too weird. Go with Stef."
"Okee-dokee! Now get me outta here!" Ryo kicked his foot like a Rockette, sending the lobster flying across the room. He could have sworn he heard some squeaky little cursing, something to the tune of 'Yo' mama swims in garlic butter!' Must be a lobster thing, he thought to himself.
"Right you are!" Stef said, startling Ryo. "Swimming in garlic butter is a major bad thing, according to lobsters. It's kinda like 'Bite me.'"
"Dammit!"
"Hey! Watch your mouth. You wanted to get out, no?"
"YES!!!!!" Ryo was starting to get a bit frantic.
"Walk this wayyyyy!" Stef started skipping on over to the big pot in the corner.
"Well... okay!" Ryo imitated Stef, skipping behind her.
"Ha, ha... very funny," she said, making a face. "Hop in!"
"Hop into... what?" Ryo was a bit freaked. "The pot?"
"Yeah! For this part, you're going to have to prove your bravery, trust, and your good reactions in a situation, and let these here lobsters make a stew of you!" Stef smiled, as if this was an everyday request. "Don't worry, they all become one nice, big, friendly lobster."
"One... nice, big, friendly lobster?"
"Yup! I call him Lulu!"
"Lulu the Lobster."
"Yup! Lulu the Lobster."
"You call... HIM... Lulu."
"Yup! Lulu."
"This is insane." Ryo put his head between his hands. "This is a baaad dream. I must have eaten too much flan. Maybe it was past its expiration date or something."
"Oh, hush up and get in the pot!" Stef was becoming a bit exasperated.
"Ohhhh." Ryo grumbled, moaned, hissed, and bitched as he pulled himself up over the rim and into the pot, slipping and bonging his head on the way.
"Good boy!" Stef turned around and clapped her hands twice. "Lu-LOOOO!" The few dozen lobsters scrabbled together, melted a bit, and merged to form a six-foot-tall lobster, wearing (ironically enough) a lobster bib. It walked over, waving its feelers, and snatched the chef's hat from Ryo, placing it on its own head.
"Hey!" Ryo was saddened. "I liked that thing."
"You can have it in the end, if you pass everything," Stef said, consolingly.
"Oh. Cool!" Ryo settled back against the side, smiling about the hat thing. He heard Stef's voice from above.
"Okay, Loogie, here we go! Oh, I'm sorry! I forgot I promised not to call you that anymore. Forgiven? YAY! Okay, we got everything? Water, carrots, celery, and... hey, what's that? We don't need any beef! That's what Ryo's for!" There was a disappointed clicking of claws, and an equally disappointed moo. "Pipe down, Bessie. You get to live another day!"
"Hey! What's the hold up?" Ryo asked, rapping his knuckles against the pot.
"Okay, okay, here it comes," said Stef, a bit miffed. "Um... you might wanna put on that fire armor - this water is, like, totally scalding."
"Wha-? Okay, wait a sec." Ryo got out his orb, did his little thang, and yelled, "Okay! Send it on down!" In a flash, a stream of boiling water poured down into the pot, running all over Ryo's head. "Yick! This is kinda icky. Hey, will this rust my armor?"
"I don't think so! The Ancient wouldn't have said to do it if it would," Stef called down. "Lulu, c'mere. Slice up those carrots." Lulu's claws awkwardly caught hold of a few carrots, and with a few pinches, cut them up into many little slices. Stef took them and put them in the pot, accidentally letting them clunk Ryo on the head.
"Ow! Hey, watch it with those things!"
"Sorry."
A few hours later...
"And... voila!" Stef cried as a little timer went off. She scampered back over to the pot and removed the lid. A cloud of steam flew out, along with a string of curses.
"Do you have any idea how CROWDED it was in there?!?" Ryo poked his head up, snarling. "All those veggies. I thought I was turning into an onion!"
"Hey... that would be pretty cool!" Stef thought aloud. "Hey, Ryo, would you mind-"
"Don't even ask. I will not let you turn me into an onion."
"Ohhh." Stef stamped her foot in disappointment. "Anyway, you can come out now. You've passed with flying colors!" A big brass band popped into view for a few seconds, playing some obscure march, then fading away.
"Thank GOD!" Ryo slogged himself up and over the brim of the pot, falling once again on the way out. "You've gotta get a shorter stewpot."
"I'll keep that in mind. I think you're a little shorter than the last Wildfire guy," said Stef as she pulled the pot off the fire and over close to the table.
"Hmm. I'd wondered why the armor'd been too long in the legs the first time I put it on," said Ryo. "My feet weren't even in the foot places! I was on tippy-toe! And I'll tell you, from a guy perspective, it was REALLY painful."
"Hmm," said Stef. "That must have really sucked. Anyway.... Well, come on. Have a seat! Take your shoes off, set a spell!"
"Wha-?" Ryo was suspicious. "Why? You're not... going to make me eat any of that, are you? For the love of God, that's made with ME!!!"
"I'd think you'd want to eat it! You know, find out firsthand if you're sweet or sour."
"I think not!" said Ryo, shedding his armor.
"Well, fine then. I'll give it to Lulu." Stef pulled the pot over to the giant lobster in the corner. "Here ya go! Drink up, my dear little master chef!" Lulu stuck his head into the pot.
"UGH! You're letting a lobster eat the Me Stew?" Ryo whimpered. "Why does anyone hafta eat it? Why can't it be all special?"
"We can't let good stew go to waste, now, can we?" Stef pointed out, sensibly. She pulled a spoon out from behind her ear (Snivelling Viewer: "Hey, Ms. Author! Where'd that spoon come from?" The response? Creative imagination, my snivelling compatriot!), and dipped it into the pot, tasting a bit of the Ryo Stew. "Hey, this is pretty num-a-licious! Last time I had something like this, I'm pretty sure the guy did something in the water. Y'know? It was like when someone backwashed in your soda. You can just tell."
Both Ryo and Lulu (yes, even the lobster) made disgusted faces. Stef continued, "But this is great! You're sure you don't want any, Ryo? This could be your LAST CHANCE EVER to do something like this! You wouldn't want to miss out, now would you?"
"Um, oh, er, um... ah, to hell with it. Gimmie a bowl!" Ryo gave in. Stef beamed, and handed over a little mugful. Ryo cautiously tasted it. "Ooh! I'm num-a-licious!"
"Toldja! And those were my exact words. COPYCAT!"
"Shuddup," said Ryo, his voice echoing strangely (hey, his head was in a mug, what do you expect?). There were a few moments of silence, as they sipped.
"Okay, meal over!" Stef shouted, unexpectedly standing straight and clapping her hands over her head thrice. Instantly, the pot, bowls, mugs, spoons, and... heck, the whole room disappeared. She and Ryo were left standing on a vast empty plain, with no visible floor, walls, or ceiling.
"Um... Stef?" Ryo asked, hesitantly.
"Yes?" she asked, her voice strangely hollow and emotionless.
"What just happened?"
"This is your third and final test," she replied tonelessly, staring straight ahead. Ryo shivered, discovering that a chill wind swept endlessly through this expanse of... nothing.
"YOU... are REALLY freakin' me out!" said Ryo.
"Yes, I know." Stef lost the serious expression and collapsed into giggles. Suddenly, the floor, walls and ceiling were in plain view. They were light purple with deep green curtain-y things everywhere.
"Oh! You suck. You did that of purpose, you sneaky little... little... THANG!"
Stef gave him a dumbfounded look. "Sneaky little thang?"
"Yeah!" Ryo crossed his arms and 'harumphed.' He noticed that the wind still was chilling the room. "Get me outta here!"
"Okee-doke. This really is your last test. I can't go through it with ya, but I'll tell ya what to expect on the way to it." She started walking, and Ryo followed suit.
"You see, one of the qualities of being a really good leader," explained Stef, "is being able to know your fellow... guys really well. And that includes knowing personal-type stuff, so you'd be able to know if something like a bad memory or a deep-dark-fear was going to impede them on a mission, and if they would need help over it, or... you know. Whatever!"
"That sounds reasonable. So... how can I prove this?" asked Ryo.
"I was getting to that! Interrupter!" Stef huffed. "Hmph! I'm going to have to add my own little test to this: seeing if you can get through two little minutes while I tell you what you're supposed to do!"
"Sorry," said Ryo, hanging his head.
"That's okay," said Stef, cheerily. "No harm done, hmm? Now, as I was saying, you're going to have to be able to know them all quite well, which includes knowing them apart! You should know that back home right now, it's nearly two in the morning, so your friends are all fast asleep. You're going to see what each of them is dreaming, and have to tell me whose is whose dream. Oh, yeah," added Stef. "I put in your friends Mia, Yuli, and White Blaze, too, since they seem to accompany you on almost every trip you're sent on. And just to make it, like, totally fair, we're not going to show their faces, bodies, et cetera. And if there's something that will totally give it away, like if they put on their armor, it'll be changed so it's not so very obvious. For example, in, say, Kento's dream, if he showed up in it, he'd be replaced with whoever I choose. It'll stay consistent, though, don't worry. I think for today it'll be... oh, hmm, how about... George Whent! Yeah! That should be funny. Oh, and congrats! You didn't interrupt! I'm so proud." Stef put a shiny silver party hat on his head and blew a horn before asking, "Any questions?"
"Just one," said Ryo. "What if they're dreaming about something weird? Or perverse? Or, like, having to do with me that I'm not supposed to know about? Or something with deep, philosophical meaning that they won't even understand themselves that comes from the depths of their subconscious?"
"Well, first of all, we had a dream filter installed that kicks out any hints of ickiness or perversion or things that you're not supposed to know about, like... oh, a surprise party or something. If they're not dreaming about something significant at all, or are somehow still awake, we have the ability to take dreams from the past that they dreamt. So... we'll, you know... use those! And for the deep, philosophical things... well, that's what you'er supposed to figure out yourself, isn't it? Now you know why this is the third test!"
"Ohhh, but this one is so much harder!!!!" whimpered Ryo.
"You'll make it," said Stef, patting him on the back. "Just remember that George Whent is not actually George Whent, it's the person who's dreaming. Everyone else will remain the same. Are you ready?"
"Um... um... yeah," said Ryo, in a small voice.