Chapter 1
That was the sound of a human being hitting the ground. A certain human, actually. A human by the name of... Ryo. The aforementioned Ryo followed up the aforementioned SMACK with a weak and small-sounding ow....
"What the hell was that?" he whimpered, sitting up, gingerly checking for bruises. Briefly, he replayed the actions of seconds past. He'd been sitting all comfy in the kitchen eating some flan when this huge flash of light came "fooshing" out of nowhere and sucked him into a vortex. After being melted into the forms of a gorilla, a stick of butter, an airport, and many various other non-related items while whizzing at breakneck speed in mid-air, he was tossed unceremoniously onto a cement floor. Luckily, he'd ended up as himself. He stood up (thanking God that he had legs at all...since he could have ended up as a stick of butter...) and opened his eyes.
Well, okay, he didn't REALLY open his eyes, since they already WERE open. It was just pitch-black. Ryo thought to himself, Whew! Thank god it actually was pitch dark in here, cuz it would have looked VERY retarded, me trying to open my already open eyes. I mean, seriously...
WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT ALREADY?
Ryo was shocked! He fell back onto the ground and yelled, covering his head, squinching his eyes shut and striking out wildly with his other arm, which was still clutching his flan-covered fork. "GET AWAY!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?" he bellowed.
EW! YOU GOT FLAN IN MY EYE! DUMBASS! I'M THE AUTHOR!
"Oh." Ryo stood up again, opening his eyes just in time to see the herring-fish smack him across the face. "OW! What was that for?"
WELL, YOU GOT FLAN ON ME! WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? OH, GROSS! IT'S IN MY HAIR, TOO! UGH, IT'S GOOEY!
"Well, at least there's light now," Ryo muttered. "Where am I? This place is freaky!"
It was, too. It looked like a football stadium, but everything was blue with tiny purple flowers on it. There was a mural on the far wall of a little blue janitor, saluting and carrying a mop, with a caption bearing the message "Elderly pumpkins deserve health care, too!" The only other person in the whole place was a large man with a cigar and a uni-brow in a pink tutu and tights. He was gleefully dancing around the room, tossing tiny cherry petals around from a little yellow basket with a lamb on it.
"Uhhhh...," said Ryo.
The large tutu-man turned around, giggling and said, in a surprising baritone, "I wear this tutu because it makes me feel PRETTY!!!" With that, he turned and made a giant pirouette, over the fence.
"Hey, Author? What am I doing here?" asked Ryo, tentatively.
HECK, I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF THAT PART YET. I JUST WANTED TO HAVE YOU IN A STORY WITH A MAN IN A TUTU. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ALL NEAT AND STUFF.
"Oh," said Ryo. He pondered this for a moment. "So...um, how's it goin'?"
FINE. YOU?
"I've been better," he replied, truthfully. "So, can I, like, get outta here now?"
WE'LL SEE......