Part 1
(And isn't that the dumbest title ever?!)
(Well... at least I didn't call it "Trick or Treat" or something.)
"Ryo," Mia scolded.
"Wha-at?!"
She swatted his hand away from the bowl resting on the hall table. "Get away! We won't have enough if you keep snacking on them."
"But they're sugary and good," he whimpered. "Just one?"
"NO!" Mia huffed and turned away. The sequins around her head caught in the light and cast dancing patterns on the wall as she surveyed their candy supply. Her costume was admirably good, for the time she'd had to work on it: a flapper dress complete with fringe, a shining scarf knotted on the side as a headband, and curving red heels. "Jeez, you'd think I never fed you or something."
"You feed me healthy stuff. Now I want something that will rot my teeth and ruin my complexion, not to mention my waistline... and you won't let me? This mothering of yours... when will it end, Mia? When will it end?"
"When you stop being such a weenie!" Mia exclaimed.
"Ooh, candy!" Kento snatched a mini-Twix on his way through.
"HEY!!!!!"
"I, um... need it for my costume," he called, as he ran up the stairs.
"Honestly," Mia grumbled. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ryo reaching quietly for another candy bar. "BACK OFF!!!!!"
"Where have you heard her say THAT before, Ryo?" Sai chided. "By the way, has anyone seen my trident?"
"Go away! Your trident isn't here, Fish-Boy."
"Ooh, candy."
"AWAY WITH YOU!"
"Yeesh," Sai muttered, exiting the room. "Must be that time of the month."
"Can't we just have a few in our own separate bowl?"
"No! Those are for the little goblins!"
"Wha-?" Ryo was dumbfounded. "Little goblins? Look, I know Yuli is a bit of a pain, but 'little goblin' is going a bit far, dontcha th-"
"Trick-or-treaters, dolt-boy," she huffed. "I was referring to the trick-or-treaters."
"Oh." Ryo pondered for a second. "Nyoink!"
"GET BACK HERE!" Mia shrieked. It was no use. Ryo was long gone with the two mini-Three Musketeers bars he'd filched. "Buncha savages in this house...."
In case you, dear reader, haven't figured it out yet (which I'm sure you have, judging by hints found in the preceding text and the TITLE... duh), it's October 31st at Ronin Manor. Halloween. A day of mystery, terror, death, illusion... and an estimated two-point-three million dollars in candy sales, much to the delight of the Mars company.
Does it seem like a perfect chance for some mayhem to break loose?
It sure does.
*flashback - October 29th*
Hey, guys!" Yuli cried.
"Nyugh," everyone groaned as the little chalkboard-fingernail-voiced kid skipped merrily into the room.
"Go away, turd-boy," Ryo muttered. "Nobody likes you."
"What's that, Ryo? Did you say something?" Yuli asked.
"I said, um... er...," Ryo stuttered, trying to avoid hurting Yuli's feelings. His dad, WAS, after all... a very rich man. Couldn't hurt to suck up to the kid before college rolled around.
"He SAID, go away. Nobody likes you," Kento grumbled, helpfully. (He has a very good college fund, so what the hell does he care?!)
"You guys are such kidders," Yuli chuckled. "Anyway, I came to ask ya something!"
"Wha-aat?!"
Rowin, wincing, slunk out of the room.
"Will you all take me out trick-or-treating?"
"NO!"
"Absolutely not."
"We're washing our hair."
"Ya WILL!! Thanks, guys!" Yuli skipped off, probably to bother Mia.
"Did he just-"
"Yes, he did. Friggin' little spoiled yuppie-spawn pond-scum."
"That kid is such a little pansy."
"Tell me about it." Ryo rolled his eyes. "Even White Blaze hates him. You can tell, because he's always licking him."
"I thought that was an indicator of a loving kitty," Sage pointed out.
"Not like smoochie-smoochie... but as in, 'mmm... how would this taste with Tabasco?' I think one of these days we're going to find good ol' W.B. with a pair of tiny trousers caught between his teeth."
"And merriment shall reign throughout the land."
Rowin came into the room, with his hands behind his back. "Oh, Yuuuuuli.... Hey, where'd he go?"
"Away. That's good enough for me."
"Dammit." Rowin held out the crossbow he'd been hiding. "Think he'll be back?"
"Don't waste your arrows." Rowin shrugged, and let the subject drop.
"Halloween already?" Sage wondered aloud. "Hmm."
"I knew that," Kento stated. "I've been mapping out the best routes. Check it out." In a wink, he pulled out a large map of the town and spread it out on the coffee table. "My sources say that the highest concentration of good candy-givers is in this area right here." Kento pointed to an area marked in red. Circles rippled out from it, in colors of orange, yellow, and progressing on down green. He then pointed to an area even beyond the green. "This is about where we are right now. This indicates that the people in this area suck ass. That is a fact. I remember last year."
"Hey! I like apples and toothbrushes," Sai protested.
"So do I, but... not at Halloween," Ryo said. "Kento's right. This place sucks ass."
"Thank you, Ryo. So basically, we need to borrow Mia's jeep and high-tail it over to this area here." Kento looked up at them, a Napoleonic gleam in his eyes. "Sundown on October thirty-first is exactly 5:43, so at that precise moment, we'll strike. First, we'll go straight up the center of the best part, to hit them before they give away all of their good candy. Then, this is the closest place that doesn't suck too much, down through here. Then I suggest a two-pronged approach. On this street here-" he pointed to a black line running south-southwest, "-there are a number of families with girls aged 11 to 16. That means... the kinds of girls who read Teen Beat and Bop and such. We'll send our pretty-boys down through there to get the most profit."
"Ew... does this mean I have to pretend to flirt with those little monsters?" Sage grimaced. "It's enough crap trying to go to a mall without getting hassled."
"I know! You bend over to tie your shoe, and the next thing you know, there's this little explosion of giggles," Rowin complained. "You get up, turn around, and about twelve little teeny-boppers are deliberately looking away, hiding their little giggly pie-holes behind their shopping bags. And there's always... that one bold one."
"The one who comes up to you and goes, 'Hey... um... teehee... Mister... do you... teehee... have the time... teehee?' DAMMIT! Then they go, 'are those contacts?' 'Are you a model?' 'Will you marry me? Teeheeheeheehee!' Argh...," Sage groaned, stuffing his head under a pillow. "It's enough to make me wish I was homely and short."
"But it... is kinda flattering... sometimes," Rowin shrugged.
"Like when they have older sisters," Sage said, "and they come over to save you...." He sat up, thoughtfully, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "That... isn't so bad."
"Okay, ENOUGH about your stupid popularity," Ryo hissed.
"Let's face it, Rowin... we're hotter than Titanic," Sage grinned.
"Yes. We are molten."
"ANYWAY!!!!" Kento was getting fed up. "Okay, so those two will go down that way and-"
"Wait a second... I'm not a prettyboy?" Sai was insulted. "Yes, I am!"
"Ah, yeah, but you fit more into the second category, which I was just getting to. Thank you for that segue! Okay, the second street is filled with old ladies. The super-skinny mothball flowered-dress grandmotherly type. The type who LOVE cute little gentlemen."
"Ahhh, I see." Sai shrugged.
"Yeah. 'Kay, Sai and I will get that one, cuz-"
"What the hell!? You're not cute, Kento."
"HEY! I am so. Lookit these cheeks. Just right for pinchin'."
"Oh, yeah. Heh. They're gonna eat you alive."
"Unfortunately, this is true. We're going to have to choose costumes that make the ladies go 'Aww, cutie-pie, here's lots of candy... okay, now go away before I call the police.' We'll come up with something."
"What about me?" Ryo asked. "Or do I get to just eat during this little two-prong spazz?"
"Ah, Ryo... you get to both drive the car and single-handedly get this street here. It's pretty run-of-the-mill, but there's one house at the end with a raging pyromaniac."
"What?! Great, I get the psycho."
"He's also majorly generous with the candy... that is, if you can keep him talkin' about fire and pyro tricks for awhile. I knew you were just right for the job on this one."
"Oh."
"Anyway, that should take a while, cuz those are long streets. After that, I'd like to skim on down this little side street, just because I've got some friends there, and you know... friends always give you the good stuff."
"Yeah!" Rowin exclaimed. "Like this one guy on our street when I was a kid... I always went to him last cuz he'd run out of candy really fast and start giving away stuff he owned."
"That's not cool. You just got some guy's useless crap!" Ryo interjected.
"Not me. We were buddies, cuz he was really into astromony and stuff. So while all of the other kids got, like... shoehorns and stuff, I came away with five pounds of prime cut beef or something." He shrugged. "I also went there last cuz I didn't feel like lugging around five pounds of freezing-cold beef. Can ya blame me? But it was always cool."
"Yyyyyeah," said Kento, rather mystified. "Gotta love those meat-guys. Anyway, this is very critical. Our last stop will be 23 Mason Drive, over here."
"Why? It's a bit out of the way."
"AHA!" Kento grinned. "You see, first of all, it won't be out of the way if we go to McDonalds after this is all over. With that detour, the stop should become totally worthwhile. 23 Mason Drive is such a coup because I heard from an inside source that the people there turn off their lights at exactly 10:30. But, they usually run out of candy at 10:20, due to high traffic flow caused by many kids in the area. It is at this time that they proceed to give out... money."
"Money?!" Ryo's eyes bugged out. "How much, exactly?"
"It would depend. But I researched with my friends at-"
"Which friends would these be, Kento?" Sai chided. "Your ten-year-old insiders?"
"They are EIGHT, thankyouverymuch! And stop interrupting me!" Kento snapped. "Or are you a spy for another operation?! IS THAT IT, SAI?! Guys, come on, let's kill him."
"Kento!" Sai's eyes widened and he backed away a little. "I was kidding! I'm sure your sources are all reliable. R-r-really! And I'm completely loyal! Only...-"
"Only... what, Sai?" Sage asked, accusingly.
"Well... I don't know... all of that candy has to be bad for you."
"SSAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII!!!" Kento bellowed. "Out of the room! NOW! Turncoat!!"
"Hang on a second, Kento," Rowin admonished. "Sai, come on, let's go have a talk."
"Don't let 'im sway ya, Rowin," Kento warned. "Stay with the cause."
"For Snickers? Anything," Rowin promised, as he led Sai out of the room.
"Okay, where were we?"
"How much money 23 Mason Drive would get us."
"Oh, yeah. It would depend. My research teams of all ages and costume types told me a lot. I think that us five guys, all of us relatively good-looking, not trashy or pierced or anything... if we wore either cute or sexy costumes, it would guarantee us at least five bucks apiece, which we can then use to-"
"-buy dinner at McDonalds!" Sage cried. "Kento, you are the man! You really thought this out!"
"Sexy?" Ryo looked worried. "Now, I'm not dressing up like Columbia or Magenta. I got enough flak for dressing up like that last year."
"We all remember, Ryo." Sage and Kento shuddered at the memory. "I meant, like, real guy-type sexy. The occupants are an old married couple, the female in her mid-sixties and the male in his late-sixties, early-seventies."
"Wow... so you mean, like... that crap old women find attractive."
"And that old men find unoffensive? We're going to have to wear pants up to our elbows and smelly Hawaiian shirts?! EW! Hell, no!"
"No, no. We can look both good and respectable at once. Gangsters and whatnot."
"Gangsters?" Ryo squinted with thought. "Old women are after big baggy pants-guys? I thought they though they were hooligans."
"GANGSTERS, not gangstas."
"What's the difference?"
"Ever seen Guys and Dolls?"
"Yeah."
"Gang-sters. Ever seen Dangerous Minds?"
"I heard of it, saw movie previews and whatnot."
"Gang-stas."
"Ohhhhhhh. I get it."
"Okay, so does everyone see?"
"Guys, I'm in... for sure!" Sai came dancing back in. "Sorry for ever doubting you," he shot to Kento, who nodded slightly and held up a fist (as in 'fight-the-power' not 'I'm-going-to-smash-your-jaw').
"What'd you say to him?" Sage asked Rowin, who was trailing Sai.
"Just told him we were going to spread it out through the year and not eat it all in one night," Rowin shrugged. Man, I really bull-shitted him, he privately thought.
Man, Rowin really bull-shitted him, Kento, Sage, and Ryo thought.
Man, he really bull-shitted me, Sai thought.
"So, just to re-cap, we're going up this area... down through here... using the split-up technique through these neighborhoods... and then hitting this area here. Oh, and one more thing. I'm going to put you all on a stylized exercise regime." Kento set up another poster, this one of the human body, X-ray style, showing all of the muscles. "It consists of toning up these areas here," he said, gesturing to the legs with a laser pointer. "These particular muscles can really put spring into your step if they're properly worked. We can't have any stragglers, or we'll get behind schedule. Also, here, in the wrist. You don't know how much carpal tunnel syndrome can mess up your door knocking, so not too much time on the computer before The Big Night, 'kay?"
"Wow... you're even more prepared than Ken Starr!" Ryo exclaimed.
"Don't compare me to that!" Kento scolded, affronted. "I don't want to hear another word about that little weenie and his 500-page report."
"Word up to that."
"Yeah, Ryo. That was in poor taste."
"Ryo... out of the room for even mentioning such a thing."
"But-"
"GO!" Kento pointed at the door. "You've heard all the important stuff. I will be assigning costumes, and you will be the LAST to hear what you are."
"Ohhhh," Ryo pouted.
"Go."
"FINE. Ken Starr wanna-be." Ryo flounced away before Kento had a chance to react.
"Argh. So... got it, everyone?"
Everyone nodded slowly. "But what costumes are you going to assign us?"
"Assigned costumes?! Was I out of the room for this" Kento nodded, and Sai wailed, "But I had mine all planned out!"
"What was it?"
Sai looked downcast and sniffled. "I was going to be King Triton."
"EW! That old huge-bearded man from The Little Mermaid?"
"Yeah." Sai sighed, disappointed. "He has a trident."
Sage curled a lip. "But his beard goes halfway down his stomach! Would you really want to drag something like that along with you all night?!"
"He has a trident," Sai repeated, stonily.
"Well..." Kento perused a clipboard. "D'you want to be Raggedy Andy?"
"Screw you."
"I'll take that as a no. Okay, how about a ghost?"
"That's so boring... and there' s no trident."
"Fine, then... what do you want to be? Other than King Triton."
"Well... could I be just some regular mer-guy? With a trident?"
"Fine. Just be sure you can walk in your costume."
"All RIGHT!" Sai exclaimed. "I get a trident!"
"Okay, then. Sage... how would you like to be a vampire? Not a nasty one, a cool one."
"Sounds okay. Waitasec... do I have to wear those cheap store-bought plastic fangs? They never fit right, and then make me talk funny."
"Aha!" Kento whipped out a little plastic case. "Try these on."
Sage accepted the box and peeked inside. Located within was a pearly custom-made set of clip-in fangs. "They're the professional kind," Kento added. "Made-to-fit."
Sage looked at them dubiously. "These haven't been in your mouth, have they?"
"Hell, no, Sage! That could ruin them! Try them on."
Gingerly, Sage picked them up with two fingers and slid them on over his teeth until he felt them snap into place. "They feel... okay! Do I talk funny?"
Rowin looked incredulously at Sage's mouth. "God! I mean, your voice sounds just a little bit off, but... god, they look so real!"
"Heh-heh-heh," Sage grinned, running the tip of his tongue over one incisor. "Ow! Hey, these are pretty sharp."
"You can dull them down a tiny bit," Kento said. "But only a little."
"How did you do this? Get them to fit me so well, I mean?"
Kento winced a little. "Well... I sorta... kept the gum you spit out."
"WHAT?!?!"
"Well, you know... you just spit your gum into the trash can, leaving your teeth marks in it and I kinda... sorta... fished it out to make a mold."
"That is DISGUSTING!" Rowin cried.
"Kento, do you have any other personal things of mine?" Sage asked, suspiciously.
"Hey, look, I had to do it, all right? You weren't going to bite into a ball of wax for me, were you?" Sage shook his head. "See? I had to do it."
"Just don't do it ever again," Sage said. "That's kind of sick, you know."
"I know, but... hey, who's in charge here?!" Kento barked, taking charge again. "So Sage, you're the vampire. Rowin... I'd like you to dress as a rock star."
"Any particular one?"
"I dunno... the kind little girls dream about."
"Okay. Marilyn Manson it is."
"What?! I said dreams, not terrifying nightmares!"
"What?! My little cousin loves Marilyn Manson. She wants to marry him."
"Are you talking about the same little cousin who set fire to her hair because the purple man told her to? The same little cousin who tried to eat the cat?"
"Yes. Oh... oh, I see. Hmm."
"Yeah, 'hmm.' Yeesh! Okay, dress up as, like... a Backstreet Boy or whatever."
"Eeeeew. Trendy-ness."
"FINE! Dress as whoever you want, but just suit it to girls aged 11-16."
"Okay."
"Ryo... could you be- Oh, yeah. HEY RYO!"
"What?" his voice echoed in from the living room.
"Come here!"
Ryo entered, smugly. "Begging me back in, hmm?"
Sage grinned at him, deliberately flashing the fangs. "Ryo... come here... we need to talk."
"AUGGH!!!!!" Ryo fell backwards over a chair. "MONSTER!"
"HAAAA-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Sage enjoyed a hearty laugh at Ryo's expense.
"Sage, what the-"
Sage unclipped the false fangs. "Kento got 'em for me."
Ryo stood up, angrily. "Dammit, that wasn't funny at all! Scarin' me like-" Sage quickly clipped the teeth back in and growled at Ryo. "Eeeeeek! Monster!" Ryo fell over the chair again.
"HAAAA-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"Sage, stop teasing Ryo! NOW!"
"Ohhh." Sage pouted for a second, then removed the fangs and put them in their case. "I'll play with them later."
"Good idea," Kento said, drily. "Anyway, Ryo, about your costume. Could you be-"
"Can I dress as a devil?"
"Well... hey, how'd you guess?"
"You sent me to the psycho pyro. It was kind of a no-brainer."
"Okay. Ryo, you're a devil. And I'll be a gangster, since it was my idea."
"Does Ryo get to carry a trident?" Sai asked, suspiciously. "Cause if he does-"
"Ryo, no trident," Kento said, quickly.
"But-"
"NO TRIDENT!"
"Okay, okay!" Ryo sighed. "I'll come up with something else."
"How come you get the normal, semi-boring costume?" Sage asked. "I would have thought you would love to dress up in something unique - something Kento-ish, you know? I can see you wrapping yourself in tinfoil, painting your face brown, and going as a candy bar. Something like that."
"You know, Sage... I'd really love to. I used to spend weeks dreaming up elaborate and really funny costumes." Kento sighed, wistfully. "But now I see the larger goal..."
"To get more candy," they all chimed in.
"That's right. I'll even sacrifice my favorite autumn activity for candy."
"Hey, Ryo."
"Huh?"
"ARRRRRGH!"
"EEEK! MONSTER!!!!" Ryo fell backwards over the chair again.
"HAAA-ha-ha-ha-ha!!" The fangs glinted as Sage removed them again, laughing still. "I'm never going to get tired of that game."
"It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye," Sai admonished.
"Or until that chair breaks," Rowin added.
"Okay, ANYWAY, I think that's about it. Any questions?"
Four hands shot up. Kento looked around the room. "No questions? Good! Get started." Rolling up his plans, he grinned. "This is going to be a good year," he called out over his shoulder as he left the room.
"Where do I find a trident?" Sai wondered aloud. The three others smacked their foreheads.
*****
So... send me comments. Weren't they all DISGUSTINGLY out of character? Who cares? It was fun to write, anyway...